Oh America
by TheLillyLilac
Summary: Russia invites everyone to the beach and America goes along, but not before eating a ton of hamburgers. RussiaxAmerica drabble/crack fic. Rated T for language.
1. Beach Party

**RussiaxAmerica Drabble**

**Russia invites everyone to the beach. America decides to go along, after eating a ton of hamburgers.**

**I don't own Hetalia**

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><p>I was in the middle of stuffing my face with hamburgers when that damn commie called me and asked if I wanted to go to the beach. Apparently he was inviting everyone, although he didn't sound too thrilled about me coming along. Of course I'm going! Why would you ask such a silly thing? The hero needs to be there in case someone starts drowning. 'Cause Russia sure wouldn't!<p>

So I crammed the rest of the burgers into my mouth and I speed to the beach in my awesome hero car. I stepped out of the car and ripped my pants off. Yes, my underwear also double as swim trunks. It makes showering easier.

"Sup guys! The hero has arrived!" I shouted, running towards everyone. They all gave me weird looks, probably because I was holding my ripped pants. Then they went back to whatever they were doing. I didn't care; I jumped right into the water. My stomach started to cramp up. Long story short, commie saved me. Everyone laughed at me. It was _not_ cool. People of the world, always wait for your stomach to settle before you swim, and no, I'm not giving away my underwear.

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><p><strong>AN: This is just a RussiaxAmerica drabble fic. **I've got another chapter to type up yet, but I'm** not sure if I should continue with it or not. Anyways, VoicesoftheSoul came up with the prompt or whatever. Next up is: Da Bomb.**


	2. Da Bomb

My curtains were closed and the movie was in. I hugged Mr. Pillow as the movie started; Japan didn't show up this time. A ghost came on the screen and I did not almost shit my pants or scream like a little girl. That was Mr. Pillow, and yes, he wears pants. Soon the movie was over.

I slowly made my way back to my room with Mr. Pillow and my pistol. I almost fell down the stairs when the phone started vibrating in my back pocket.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hello America, I'm da bomb," came a creepy-ass voice.

I only had time to think, 'wtf?' before I heard the ticking.

"Ivan get out of my house! You're not getting Alaska back!" I shouted and aimed the pistol towards the ticking sound. I heard some shuffling and a door slam. Letting out a sigh of relief, I ran the rest of the way up the stairs, barricaded all openings, and hid under the covers. I heard a creak in the wall before it all fell on me. I jumped up, tangled in the blankets. I tried getting them unknotted, but then I just pushed them up over my head. My entire wall was blown out and standing in it's place was a bottle of vodka. As I looked closer, I saw that there was a note on it. I tip-toed over to it and plucked the note off.

_Dear America,_

_I'm da bomb, aren't I? It was an awesome beach party, even the "hero" has to admit._

_Russia_


	3. Gummy Worms, Boomboxes, and Pool Parties

I scribbled a note in its place saying that he wasn't getting Alaska back…or his vodka. Hey, something had to calm me down after that scary movie. I set it next to my bed for the morning and went to sleep.

When I woke up, I knew something was wrong. In the vodka's place sat a jar of peanut butter. _What the fuck_, I thought, _who stole my vodka?_ I threw the Superman blankets off of me and jumped out of bed. I wandered downstairs and opened my cupboard. It was sitting there ever so innocently and suspiciously. I pulled it out and walked back to the living room. I hooked up my awesome gaming system and put in MW3.

I was interrupted about an hour later when someone knocked on the door. I opened it and found gummy worms. I did not squeal like a little girl when she gets a new Barbie. By that time I was wondering what the fuck he was up to, so I grabbed my phone and called Lithuania.

"Hello?"

"Yo! Lithuania dude, it's America, you lived with that commie at one point right?" I shouted.

"Is this about the beach party, because-"

"Dude, I've got a plan. But you need to get over here!" I hung up, threw the phone somewhere over my shoulder, and ran up to the attic. I turned on the light, coughing a little from the dust, and pulled out an old boom box.

"He throws a beach party, I throw a _pool _party," I grinned and ran back down the stairs.

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><p><strong>AN: Inspiration strikes again! Filler chapter, what's that? **


	4. Llamas

Before the party a lot of things needed to be done, but thanks to Lithuania, everything was ready in no time at all. People started arriving shortly after Gilbert and I stole the llamas from the zoo. We let them loose in my backyard and let them run. Hopefully one will take a dump on Russia's head.

Afterward, Gilbert walked up to me with a llama.

"The awesome me is taking your llama. You're not getting it back!" he shouted, showering me in spit.

"Dude, you just gave me a spit shower!" I hollered back.

"Did not!"

"Did too! And I'm the awesome one, not you!" I yelled.

All of a sudden, the air grew really cold and a shadow grew over us.

"Sorry-dude-gotta-go!" Gil ran out of there as fast as his legs could take him.

I stood there laughing my ass off as he was chased around by Hungary with her frying pan. The loud clang echoed throughout the neighborhood. I watched as a bump formed on his head.

Someone off in the distance shouted, "Look! Gilbird laid an egg!"

By that point most of the people had left, except for a few who were helping clean up. Poland was sitting on his butt talking with Lithuania as he cleaned. Belarus had chased Russia into the nearby woods. Estonia was mooching off of my internet.

"Hey wait just a minute. Estonia, are you using my internet?" I turned toward him and waited for my answer.

"Don't worry, I'm only trolling people."

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><p><strong>AN: Woo! Filler chapter ahoy! Don't worry, hopefully the next one will be more interesting. I wonder what Gil will do with that llama...**


	5. Destruction of Property

**Prussia's POV**

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><p>I took that awesome llama with me down to the dollar store after I woke up. I emptied my wallet out on the counter and grabbed random items off of the shelf. Then I hopped on the llama's back and headed over to Austria's house. America had promised the awesome me that he was going to help me redecorate that piano prodigy's house! He better not break his promise because that is unawesome!<p>

"Dude! Over here!" he called and waved me over. He was couched in some bushes near the front door of Roderich's house. I snuck over there and handed him some toilet paper. I took my spray paint and we got to work. I wrote "Austria is a little baby girl man boy," and "Suck it losers!" all over his house. I only stopped when I found an open window and climbed through it. I scouted the house, no one was home. I opened the front door and let the llama inside, but only after it trampled the flowers and shit on his porch. I laughed and shouted to America who came running over. We looked at each other, then to the door, then to each other, and back to the door which we busted through.

There it was. Austria's piano.

By the time we were done with it, each key was a different neon color. It also now glows in the dark and sparkles. The piano also smells like strawberries.

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><p><strong>AN: OTL sorry guys for two filler chapters in a row. Does this make up for it? Kinda, no, yes, maybe, maybe not. The biggest help that you could ever do is send me a review. Thanks so much everyone. Remember, Russia loves you all.**


	6. A Tragic Ending

**America's POV**

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><p>Austria slammed his door open. "What on earth?" He noticed the destruction of property that occurred. "I'm having all of you arrested," he said as he went back into his house.<p>

I turned to Prussia, "Dude, he was home?"

He shrugged. "I'm good as long as Hungary doesn't come along. My head still hurts."

"You might want to get that looked at."

"Shut it. The Awesome Me is leaving. Bye."

I sat underneath a tree, debating whether or not to get McDonald's...Screw it, it's McDonald's, of course I'm going to go get a burger. I stood up.

Something came tumbling out of the tree. It stood up.

"Hello, America." Ivan had this innocent smile on his face.

"Dude, I'm going to McDonald's, want to come?" I asked.

"I suppose. I'm sorry for scaring you in the past."

"It's a date! And no worries dude."

"W-wait? We're dating?!" Ivan was shocked.

"Sure, if you want. Personally, I want a burger first."

Ivan smiled. "This is as close to love as we'll get, won't we?"

"Beats me, but seriously I'm starving."

We got in the car and drove away.

Austria opened his door again. He muttered, "Foreigners." He went back inside.

"They ruined you, my dear. I suppose I'll just use you for parties now."

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><p><strong>AN: If you'd like to know what happened in this story, don't ask me I have no idea. Also, I'm back...again.**


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